Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
A SOMEHWAT CRACKFIC LIES AHEAD!
(General warning about language my dears)


You walked quickly down the hall towards the kitchen, desperate for a drink.

A drink of water because H2O YEAH GOTTA STAY HYDRATED.

You were a thirsty little shit (in more ways than one) and constantly went back and forth from the kitchen to get more water.  You were coming close to the kitchen, and your throat parched in anticipation of the icy goodness it was about to receive.  

Around a corner up ahead, coming for the way to the kitchen, came Eren and Hanji at a sprint.  The pair skidded to a stop in front of you, eyes wide with terror.

“Hey guys, what’s u-“You began, only to be cut off by Eren.

“[F/n], whatever you do, stay away from the kitchen,” He said, hands shaking slightly.

“But why no-“

He shoved his index finger against your lips and leaned down so his eyes were at the same level as yours.  “Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. The. Kitchen.”

You frowned and grabbed his wrist, pulling his finger off your lips.

“Eren, you have to give me an actual reason, because, you know me and my weird-ass ways, I really need water right now.”  It was Hanji who gave you an actual answer.

“OH [F/N] IT’S TERRIFYING!!!” She wailed, throwing herself at you and clutching your shoulders dramatically.  “Eren and I went to tell shorty we were going to do some experiments this afternoon and went into the kitchen, but- Oh no! I can’t say it!”  She acted as if she were about to faint, and went limp, causing you to drop down to the floor as she laid across your lap.  Eren crouched down in front of the two of you and continued for Hanji.

“We went into the kitchen to look for him, and we found him, but-“

“HE WAS ON THE FLOOR!” Hanji yelled out, suddenly ‘awake’ again.  “He was on the floor, surrounded by empty tea boxes chanting ‘I am not out of tea I am not out of tea’ when he clearly was.  So Eren was all ‘Sorry to break this shit to you, sir, but there’s no more tea’, which was a stupid thing to say.  First he sat there silently staring at us, and I was all ‘Shorty you okay there’ and then he went all animalistic and started growling and then yelled at us ‘THE FUCK YOU BITCHES DO WITH MY TEA YOU TWO ASSHATS HAVE TO CLEAN THE ENTIRE HQ FOR THE REST OF YOUR INSOLENT LIVES’.  And then he leaped at Eren and knocked him to the ground, where Eren decided it’d be a great idea to crack a joke and said something like ‘Hey Corporal, if you wanted me this much you could’ve just asked’, which is the point where Levi took out a bottle of Windex and proceeded to squirt Eren in the eyes.”  You looked up at the dark haired boy to notice the bloodshot red surrounding his green- no blue- but wait maybe green?- perhaps turquoise- eyes.

“He then screeched and ran towards me on his hands and feet, but before he could reach me I grabbed Eren and raced out the door, locking it from the outside just as he ran into it.  We stood there for a few seconds more, listening to him growl and yell before all of a sudden he broke down crying, which is when we ran away and now here we are.” Hanji concluded, pulling herself off your lap and back onto her feet.  You and Eren followed her and stood.

“Please, [F/n], don’t go in there.  Just get water from the sink in the bathroom.  It’s not worth the risk to go in there,” Eren begged.

“Psh.  Please, I can take on Levi,” You said with an air of indifference.

“Yeah, sure, sometimes you can beat him in hand to hand combat, but you’d be going into a room with a deranged, tea-deprived short-but-strong little fucker who’s trained to kill.  DON’T GO [F/N] I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE!” Eren flung himself at you and pulled you into a tight embrace, determined not to let you go to your impending doom.

You laughed at his over-dramatic performance and wiggled out of his arms.  “Don’t worry Eren, I won’t go in there right now then.”  You smiled at him as he gave you a look of relief.  “Also, you should go to the bathroom and wash out your eyes.”

“Oh yeah, it sorta kinda burns.  Like a lot.  Um, see you guys!” Eren called as he sprinted away, hands rubbing desperately at his eyes.

Once he was out of sight, Hanji cackled.  You gave her a questioning look and raised an eyebrow.

“’I won’t go in there right now then’,” she said quoting you.  “So when do you plan on going in there, hmmm?”

You gave her a toothy grin.  “Just after a get something from my room, that’s all,” You said, turning around and speed walking back to your room.  You opened the door, relieved to the room empty before bolting over to your underwear drawer.  Digging to the very back left corner, you wiggled out what you had been looking for; a box of tea leaves.  Whenever Levi finished a box of tea, there would always be just a few leaves left over and, after collecting these leftover leaves from many, many boxes, you had enough to fill up one whole box.  

Why did you do this?  Did anyone know you did?

1. You did this because, to put it simply, you had the hots for Levi.  Which is why you collected the leaves, in case something like this happened one day.  Or so you could use it as a present for him on like his birthday or something.  You would do anything to try and get him to like you, spurring the idea of collecting the leaves.

2. You told ABSOLUTELY no one.  Sure, Hanji and Eren knew you liked Levi, which is why Eren tried so desperately to stop you from doing anything stupid, and why Hanji knew what you meant when you said you weren’t going in there ‘right now’.  But the leaves, those were a secret.  


So, with the box of tea leaves in hand, you once again made the journey through the halls to the kitchen.  Approaching the door, you heard a dull thump, thump, thump, not really sure what Levi was doing to cause such a painful noise.  Slowly inching the door open, you peaked through the crack with wide [e/c] eyes, surprised by what you saw.

Levi was standing in front of one of the cupboards, an empty tea box crushed in his hand, and he repeatedly was hitting his head on the wood.  You had to suppress a giggle.  When we are writing books about our history, I will have this called The Great Levi Tea Tantrum, no doubt about that.

Quietly, you slipped through the opening and closed the door behind you.  The soft click of the door shutting caught his attention and he ceased his repetitive head banging in favor of staring at you.  

It was quite shocking to see his normal I-don’t-give-a-shit-get-the-hell-away-from-me face morphed into one of possibly a rabid dog, but with eyes of a feral cat.  The one actually important thing that your brain forgot to register at first was the fact Levi was completely and utterly shirtless.  

“Holy fucK LEVI YOUR ABS,” Was what popped out of your mouth, not ‘Oh hey yea I got some tea here so you can stop acting like a wild animal’, but noooo his stupid and hopelessly perfect abdominal muscles just had to be showing.  

Levi froze stiff straight, clearly startled at your statement, from which you began to flush at.  He then dropped to the ground on all fours, sticking his nose in the air and inhaling quickly, as if he really were a dog smelling something in the air.

“I smell…. tea,” He growled, baring his teeth at you.  oh shit.

“Yeah!  Yep that’s right Levi, I found you some tea! Hehe,” You said nervously, holding out the box for him to see.  His eyes went wide, and then he ran straight at you, tackle hugging you to the ground.

“I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU [F/N],” He wailed out before sobbing with happiness.

Omg it’s like he’s drunk or something

“I’M JUST…*sniffle*… SO THANK…*sob*…FULL FOR…*sob*FOR YOU!” He cried out as he curled upon your lap, arms around your neck and weeping into your shoulder.  

At first, your body was completely frozen.  This was the closest and most human contact you’d ever had with the stoic man you admired so greatly, and here he was showing the most emotion to you than he had ever shown to anyone in his entire life.  You slowly came to your senses, wrapping your arms around his body, rocking him slowly back and forth.

After a few minutes of incoherent mumbling from Levi and soft words from yourself, you asked “Hey, Levi?  Why don’t you sit at the table and I’ll make you some tea?”

Like a child, he looked up at you and gently smiled, rubbing some of the tears from his eyes.  While holding in a giggle, the two of you stood and he sat down in a chair while you prepared some hot water.  Once it was ready, you poured it and some of the leaves into a cup, making sure it was perfectly ready by tasting it yourself before giving it to Levi.

He picked up the cup in that odd way that was special to him, and brought it to his mouth.  Just before he was to take a sip, he stopped and placed the cup down.  Frowning in worry, you asked, “Levi, is everything okay?”

“Um,” And like a small child yet again, he fidgeted with his hands.  “[F/n]?  Can you come here?”  Your eyebrows raised in surprise, but you stepped closer to him.

“Uh- a little more?”  Your face began to heat up as you approached a tiny bit more.

“Bend down a little?” You crouched slightly so you were face to face with him, as he was sitting down.

Suddenly he leaned forward and closed the inches that separated his face from yours, his slightly chapped lips pushing against yours, moving softly against each other.

After a few short seconds he pulled away, a full-on smile adorning his features.

You looked at him in surprise, and he gazed back into yours eyes for a moment before picking his cup back up and taking a sip.

It was like magic.  One moment Levi was smiling and kissing you, the next he had sipped his tea and his face dropped down into a stoic mask, eyes narrowed.  

It’s like… the tea is his I-don’t-give-a-fuck supplier.  Holy shit, no wonder he drinks like six cups a day, it’s the only way he can keep his impassive façade.

“Oi, brat.  If you ever speak a word of this to anyone I will fuck you up, that is a promise,” He deadpanned.

Smirking, you answered, “I don’t think I’d mind that, Corporal.”

He almost spit out the tea, at which you laughed at.

“You’re lucky I like you [F/n], otherwise you’d be in some deep shit right now.”

You hummed in happiness, taking the seat next to him.

“Hey Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still not wearing a shirt right now.”

“Oh, shit.  Sorry.”

“Oh don’t worry,” You said, eyeing his chest.  “You have nothing to apologize about.”

We really should run out of tea more often
I DID A THING!

There isn't much for me to say really about this one.

SO INSTEAD I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU- YES, YOUDanisnotonfire 3 , THE PERSON READING THIS- ARE HELLA PERF.  THAT'S ALL.

Enjoy!



Feedback is always appreciated!I am a dummy! 
Add a Comment:
 
:iconjauntix:
Jauntix Featured By Owner May 13, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
"You were a thirsty little shit (in more ways than one)"

ITS TOO ACCURATE
Reply
:iconabsolthezhang:
Absolthezhang Featured By Owner May 6, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thats me without a sketchbook. Insane.
Also, yes. I think we should.
Reply
:icon1alexisanime:
1Alexisanime Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2017
This is like me and drawing. If I don't draw for a period longer than 36 hours I'm kinda off the rails. But this doesn't happen because I'm pretty much always drawing, and when i can't, I find something to doodle on
Reply
:iconimafangirl12:
imafangirl12 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2017
HALLELUJAH! BEST FANFIC EVER
And i can really relate to this, because I go batshit crazy whenever i run out of tea xD
Reply
:iconpanda-scarf196:
Panda-scarf196 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2017  Student Artist
Same        
TEA LOVERS, UNITE!!!!  AmazingPhil 7 
Reply
:iconkesmor18:
kesmor18 Featured By Owner May 28, 2017  New Deviant
YESH TEA IS THE GOD OF THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconimafangirl12:
imafangirl12 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2017
HELL YEAH BOI. TEA IS LOVE TEA IS LIFE
Reply
:iconpanda-scarf196:
Panda-scarf196 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2017  Student Artist
SUCH TEA MUCH LOVE Llama Emoji-09 (Drinking Tea) [V1] yeah, tea's the best thing ever created.
Reply
:iconimafangirl12:
imafangirl12 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2017
AH YES, INDEED
Reply
:iconlittle9tails:
Little9tails Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2017
Omg..... xD this one hit the spot ! Literally
Reply
:iconangelofundead:
AngelOfUndead Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2017  Student General Artist
Never thought I could relate to a fanfic, but with the tea... God, i drink between 12-20 cups a day, and I'm surprised I'm not dead yet... Tea is like smoking for me... If i don't have it, i go nuts. 

There was this one time, where i wasn't aloud to make tea, and no one else was in the house. I was sitting up in my room, against the door crying and hitting the back of my head off of it. 

I soon realised that my mum was getting my little bro from school, and my dad was at the shop... Getting me tea... Because i was apparently going mad? Haha... Just because i cry and maybe bang a little, doesn't mean i go mad... But at least my parent's know that we must NEVER run out of tea. 
Reply
:iconlittle9tails:
Little9tails Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2017
XD oh man
Reply
:icondigitalbird06:
digitalbird06 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2017
Wow this made me laugh. Hard to imagine the great Levi losing his shit over tea
Reply
:iconxx-otaku-sama-420-xx:
Xx-Otaku-sama-420-xX Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2017  Professional General Artist
420/69
Reply
:iconhehehihi2023:
hehehihi2023 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Laugh LOL
Reply
:iconjediceara:
jediceara Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
This is golden
Reply
:iconkaekat7:
KaeKat7 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
i love this so goddamn much
Reply
:iconmidnightwings20:
MidnightWings20 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is exactly why my parents don't give me tea
Reply
:iconramendangosenbei:
ramendangosenbei Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2016
Tea is love.
Tea is life.
Love the tea.
Cherish the tea.
Reply
:iconkesmor18:
kesmor18 Featured By Owner 3 days ago  New Deviant
YESSSS
Reply
:iconc-vanek:
c-vanek Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2016  Hobbyist
I have never laughed so hard and so much while reading a Levi fic thank you.
Reply
:iconvampiremarcheline:
VampireMarcheline Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2016  Student Digital Artist
STEAL THOSE GODDAMN FUCKING TEA
Reply
:iconevilashangel:
EvilashAngel Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
STEAL ALL THE MOTHERFUCKIN TEA


-steals all the tea and hides them somewhere-
Reply
:iconrubycookiez:
RubyCookiez Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2016  Student Digital Artist
OH GAWD I WISH THAT COULD BE A THEORY BOUT WHY LEVI IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT W_I_T_H TEA
great story...      does levi like tea-shirts in the same way as his addiction? (OMFG I LOVE PUNS)
Blushed Super Happy Flailing Cookie 
Reply
:icondittysama:
DittySama Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2016  Student General Artist
Tea is always my saviour, of course with milk. I'll go crazy with no teabags in my house..
Reply
:iconkawaiimifwachan:
KawaiiMifwaChan Featured By Owner Edited Aug 24, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm fucking laughing my ass off rn. Like seriously, my ass hurts from laughing.
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I have completed my mission then
Reply
:icondovahkiin55:
Dovahkiin55 Featured By Owner Edited Jul 15, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
'I don't think I'd mind that' OMG I can't even, so hard not to laugh at this, I like your fanfics they are so funny.
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!!
Reply
:icondovahkiin55:
Dovahkiin55 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome 
Reply
:iconescapingreality22:
EscapingReality22 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2016  Student Artist
LMFAO!!I CAN'T I JUST CAN'T 😂😂
Reply
:icongreenbean246:
greenbean246 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish I could favorite this a million times... I laughed out loud and accidentally woke my mom up from her (much needed) nap... oops :)
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Ahh thank you!!
Reply
:iconyukine-sekki14:
yukine-sekki14 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2016
I ran out of tea right now and Levi's reaction is mine.
I practically hugging my knee and sit at my kitchen for a few HOURS chanting ' I want tea. I want tea'
Then my sister came in and yelled to my mom: 'MOM, AMETHYST IS SICK,'
My eyes glare at her but still chanting the same thing.
My sister yelled again: 'ASH,YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS SICK,'
Suddenly my crush came in and brought me tea
I hugged him and said: YOUR MY SAVIOUR. THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU' and accidently confess

THIS IS WHY I DONT WANT TO RUN OUT OF TEA
Reply
:iconcatmeowing:
catmeowing Featured By Owner Edited May 30, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow I like tea but not that much.... I like it more now.
Reply
:iconnessabear667:
NessaBear667 Featured By Owner May 16, 2016
okay maybe Levi and I have something in common, we both go crazy if we run out if tea and we drink like 6 cups a day HOLY SHIT I THINK I'M TURNING INTO LEVI!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:icondragonrider167:
dragonrider167 Featured By Owner May 25, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*pats your back* it's okay honey, I'm a doctor. I believe you have Levitis and the cure is *looks through books* oh crap, nothing, well your doomed. Want some tea?
Reply
:icontigerhawkgirl1221:
tigerhawkgirl1221 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2016
To be honest hot chocolate is my hyperactive energy supplier
Reply
:icontigerhawkgirl1221:
tigerhawkgirl1221 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2016
Nosebleed deranged Levi walks near me licks me cheek throws me over his shoulder and climbs a tree
Reply
:iconstardustroad:
StardustRoad Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Levi... I hate to break it to you, but you're a tea addict ;P
Reply
:iconprincesslevi:
PrincessLevi Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2016  Student Artist
omfg YEAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS i love it!
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!<3
Reply
:iconmagnificentdreamlove:
magnificentdreamlove Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
dunno how many times i've read this but its still awesome
Neko Emoji-27 (Being kawaii) [V2] 
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Ahhhh omg thank you!!(:
Reply
:iconmagnificentdreamlove:
magnificentdreamlove Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
yw!!
Bunny Emoji-10 (Loved) [V1] 
Reply
:iconflamingkatniss:
FlamingKatniss Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2016  Student General Artist
Crap! We broke Levi! XD awesome fic by the way
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconmememaster100:
mememaster100 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2016  Student Artist
I imagined levi like a little chibi person when he was going crazy and acting like a little kid which made me laugh out loud like a maniac X3
Reply
:iconpuppylover223:
puppylover223 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2016
My god this was amazing I loved it my mom looked at me like I was a maniac because I was laughing so hard on the couch with my phone
Reply
:iconkokohanek:
kokohanek Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Ahhh omg thank you!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconkokohanek: More from kokohanek


Featured in Collections

AoT x Levi by quotevdotcom

AoT by rubinjuwel

Levi by 18Kumo


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
March 1, 2015
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
27,171 (1 today)
Favourites
699 (who?)
Comments
189
×